By John Podhoretz (NY POST)

TORONTO - After months of controversy about its portrait of the Catholic Church, Kevin Smith's "Dogma" was finally screened for critics and industry insiders yesterday morning. The response was enthusiastic in entirely predictable ways.

"It's not anti-Church at all," said Critic No. 1 to Critic No. 2. Replied Critic No. 2, "I just wish I knew enough of the Bible to understand it! It was so intelligent!"

"Dogma" is unquestionably literate about the finer points of Catholic doctrine. And given religious literacy is not much in evidence among North American movie critics, perhaps they are to be excused for being blind to the fact that "Dogma" is exactly what the Catholic League and others have long been complaining about - it is virulently, even obsessively anti-Catholic.

Or perhaps they're not to be ex-cused. The Catholic League's complaints about the movie have begun to make it a cause celebre among movie folk who are always thrilled by the prospect of mounting the ramparts against those who would supposedly censor artistic expression. But the simple fact is that "Dogma" is cheerfully and unabashedly blasphemous.

So what is an orthodox Catholic to do? Welcome blasphemy on the grounds that a guy from New Jersey named Kevin Smith can get his hands on $5 million, not to mention Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Alanis Morrisette, Salma Hayek and Chris Rock to play various residents of Heaven? What about a Catholic's right to free speech?

The movie essentially revolves around the idea that the Catholic Church will itself be responsible for the ending of all existence because of a loophole in its doctrine. It would be hard to enumerate all the ways in which this movie takes potshots at Rome, but trust me that there's one at least every minute and a half.

Since I am not a Catholic, I have to confess that the blasphemy didn't bother me. Indeed, "Dogma" is best when it's being anti-dogmatic in the manner of a wiseguy 12-year-old who has discovered logic and uses it to poke holes in his faith.

There is something funny in the sight of a fallen angel, a being who knows God personally, meeting a nun in the airport and expressing phony atheism in such a convincing way that she gives up her vocation on the spot.

The real problem with "Dogma" is not its anti-Papism, but its aggressive and offensive piety. It may not bow down before Holy Mother Church, but that doesn't mean the movie is irreligious. Smith worships at the very modern altar of Political Correctness.

And boy, does he pour it on, in the most tiresomely obvious ways. God is a woman. The Bible itself is "gender-biased" and racist. The last remaining descendent of the marriage of Joseph and Mary works in an abortion clinic.

Jesus is black ("n----r owes me $12," says Chris Rock, who plays the 13th apostle, Rufus, who was left out of the Gospels because of his skin color). Christ's only beef with mankind is that crimes are committed in his name, like "wars, oppression, televangelism."

Smith, who loads his movie up with references to "The Incredible Hulk" and "Six Million Dollar Man" TV shows, doesn't seem to have read the paper in the last 15 years.

"Dogma" begins as an outrageous comedy about two fallen angels (Affleck and Damon) who have figured out a way back into heaven through that doctrinal loophole. "Were they sent to hell?" someone asks a gloomy seraph played by Alan Rickman.

"Worse," he says. "Wisconsin."

Given that God is supposed to be infallible and not leave such loopholes, its activation will cause a gigantic universal paradox-and all of existence will come to an end.

Enter Jay and Silent Bob, the two Jersey drug dealers who have appeared in all of Smith's movies (Smith himself plays Silent Bob). It turns out they're prophets of the coming apocalypse, which is going to happen in, of all places, Red Bank.

Smith handles the movie's incredibly complicated plot well, and the performances are outstanding - particularly Damon and Affleck, who have some fun with all the rumors they they are more than just best friends.

But I tell you, there hasn't been a movie this preachy in years. When it comes to stuffing your face full of his own private religion, Smith has nothing on Jimmy Swaggart.

And even though the chief preachers are the very attractive Salma Hayek and Chris Rock, you begin to pray for the movie to end so that you won't have to hear another sermon about the True Meaning of Religon from the Prophet Kevin Smith.

"It doesn't matter what you believe in as long as you have faith," says Chris Rock in the midst of a long-winded peroration. With Hallmark-card thinking like that, the Catholic Church doesn't have much to worry about from the likes of Kevin Smith.

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