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THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER

BY DAVID HUNTER

CANNES -- Celestial beings without genitals, demonic bar bullies made of human excrement, an almighty God who likes to visit Earth for kicks -- the gory, giggly church of Kevin Smith has opened up its doors wider than ever with "Dogma."

Smith's often crude and silly gospel won't amuse all parishioners. But the Harvey Weinstein-financed dark comedy has the potential to draw many new converts not familiar with Smith's growing body of work.

The heavyweight cast includes Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Linda Fiorentino and Chris Rock. "Dogma" premiered out of competition, after midnight Friday, with much excitement and domestic distribution rights up for grabs. With many rude and offensive jokes, the movie is obviously too hot a tamale for corporate mother church Disney, despite the pious stance of the filmmaker. But for whoever releases it, "Dogma" is a likely commercial winner if not a fair-sized hit.

In serious need of trimming, particularly in the final hour, Smith's fourth film is actually a pro-religion film, but then so was "Pulp Fiction" -- squeamish and violence-weary viewers be warned. The curveball artist from New Jersey will mow down the younger adult and teen audience if the final product shows more discipline in the editing.

The mixed critical response and potential protests from angry parties could have a positive effect on business, as those who will vilify it the most will be cinematic teetotalers who won't convince many people this movie is dangerous in any way. Sure, Catholicism is the object of withering satire that lets few opportunities go by to subvert the canon, but the cumulative effect is no worse or no more mean-spirited than Monty Python's "Life of Brian."

For those familiar with Smith's work, "Dogma" sounds a whole lot worse than it plays. In general, it's a run-to or avoid-at-all-costs lark, which is deliriously funny when it isn't the kind of simultaneously grand and infantile comic-book abortion Smith has seemed destined to inflict on the world since "Clerks."

One of the worst sins of "Dogma," filmed in widescreen with no special flare by Robert Yeoman ("Drugstore Cowboy"), is Smith's indulgence in a Tarantino-like love of his own dialogue. Many scenes go on too long without a worthwhile payoff. There's also too much dogma in general. Seemingly every time a character is introduced the movie has to explain at length his part in the saga of how a rag-tag group of human and heavenly heroes attempt to stop the world from ending.

Like the hip-hop clown Jay character (Jason Mewes), who has appeared with Silent Bob (Smith) in all the filmmaker's movies, "Dogma" is often a wearying experience. Even worse, it takes itself half-seriously but fails to enthrall one with its primary storyline: the journey of two celestial outcasts (Ben Affleck, Matt Damon) from Wisconsin to New Jersey, where a "loophole" in Catholic dogma may finally open the heavenly gates closed to them for millennia.

Fiorentino plays Bethany, the so-called Last Scion and a direct relation to Jesus Christ, who is contacted by Metatron (Alan Rickman), the Voice of God. Condescending and impatient, the latter has to prove he's the real thing in order for Bethany to believe she must join two prophets (Jay and Silent Bob) on a mission to stop Loki (Damon) and Bartleby (Affleck). If the ancient, angry and proud avengers succeed -- with Loki smiting everyday sinners in perhaps the most controversial subplot -- they will inadvertently prove God is fallible, with dire results for mortals and immortals alike.

Funnyman Rock is not disappointing as the 13th apostle, Rufus, who knew fellow black Christ. God Herself is played by Alanis Morissette in the bizarre conclusion. The muse Serendipity (Salma Hayek), who inspired 19 of the top 20 all-time boxoffice champs, is along for the ride, which is further complicated and slowed up by horned heavy Azrael (Jason Lee). As the unknowing cause of all the trouble, George Carlin's liberal Cardinal Glick is a gruff but spiritually motivated con man -- which also could describe the filmmaker barely in control of his own cinematic circus.

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